Tuesday, February 10, 2004
Millions of dieting Americans choked on their blocks of cheese today as it was revealed that Dr. Robert Atkins, founder of his namesake high-protein diet, died a bloated mess. Weighing in at a hefty 258 pounds, Dr. Atkins had a history of hypertension and suffered a heart attack and congestive heart failure. His wife claims all this came about not due to his diet, but rather a "viral infection." I didn't realize that we were referring to steak and heavy cream as a "viral infection" these days.
I'll be the first one to admit that, as a short-term fix, the Atkins diet works. I lost 20 pounds in little over a month and a half. Of course, during that time I would have killed someone for a glass of orange juice. Long-term, that just isn't a healthy way to live. The only sure way to lose weight and keep it off: sensible eating and exercise. The problem is that it requires discipline and self-control, two things lacking in modern society. So we get these extreme diets, some of them direct opposites, and a deluge of pills that do absolutely nothing but get you hopped up on caffeine. Which is why we are far and away the "fattest" nation on Earth.